So, I wrote this as my Goodbye Letter to drugs. I was in rehab for the second time and facing prison for the third time.
I am taking all the necessary actions to avoid it, most importantly, staying clean. At this point, my last use was 72 days ago (05/04/2015). I have all the faith in God above, that, no matter what, He will take care of me. Thy will, not mine, be done in my life today….
Dear drugs,
In the mirror all I see,
once was a beautiful face.
Ten years gone by,
straight down the drain.
And time you can’t replace.
Wrecking havoc,
breaking hearts.
You tore apart my soul.
Stolen dreams,
broken bonds.
Incompletely whole.
Kill, destroy,
Tear down walls.
To you, it’s just a game.
You won’t be happy,
no mercy from you.
Till you’re running through my veins.
Honor, respect,
dignity.
Nothing for you to gain,
Husband, kids,
family.
No one is safe from the pain.
Under your spell,
just following orders,
losing the freedom to choose.
An AWOL soldier,
behind enemy lines,
not much that I wouldn’t do.
“Jails, institutions, death,” “Oh my,”
it’s all that’s left waiting for me.
As the dust settles, a moment of truth,
and a tall glass of clarity….
Time to clean up, get my ass straight.
Quit pushing off all of the blame.
Chasing the dragon wasn’t fun anymore.
I’m tired of playing your game.
And if I find myself still missing you,
after a long stretch of time,
please go away. Don’t you dare slow down.
Nothing stronger than a made-up mind.
As a whisper,
you always start,
in the corner of my head.
Breaking through to ignite a fire,
like a lover in my bed.
Jealous, desperate.
Needing air,
hot and white you’ll burn.
All-consuming.
Draining all life,
at the point of no return.
“Cunning, baffling, powerful.”
You whisper in my ear.
“Why are you running away from me?
Don’t you know I’ll always be here?”
“A hit, a snort, a rock or two,
one is ALWAYS enough.”
Do no harm, “Trust in me.
Go ahead call my bluff.”
And then…..
A knot is tied.
A rope is thrown.
Knuckles no longer white.
A solution freely given to me,
To aid me in the fight.
A list of steps,
A Higher Power.
More hopeless than hopeless can be.
A ray of sunshine,
and amazing grace,
once blind,
but now I see.
So I brace myself,
to walk away.
Getting stronger every time.
With my mind made up,
no looking back,
to leave you far behind…..
Copyright 2015
One day at a time.... 