Category Archives: drugs and addiction poem poems poetry

Chapters of My Life…

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Chapter 1

I walked down the sidewalk and fell into a deep hole. I couldn’t get out and I couldn’t figure out why. It wasn’t my fault. It took a long time to get out.

Chapter 2

I walked down the sidewalk and fell into the same hole again. I couldn’t understand why. It wasn’t my fault. I really had to struggle to get out.

Chapter 3

I walked down the sidewalk and fell into the same hole again. This time I understood why and it was my fault. This time it was easier to get out.

Chapter 4

I walked down the sidewalk and saw the same big hole. I walked around it. I didn’t fall into that hole.

Chapter 5

I chose another sidewalk.

-Portia Nelson

(20th-century American writer)

If you love me….

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IF YOU LOVE ME, LET ME FALL
IF you love me let me fall all by myself.

Don’t try to spread a net out
to catch me, don’t throw a pillow under my ass to cushion the pain so
I don’t have to feel it, don’t stand in the place I am going to land so
that you can break the fall, (allowing yourself to get hurt instead of
me).
Let me fall as far down as my addiction is going to take me, let me
walk the valley alone all by myself, let me reach the bottom of the
pit….trust that there is a bottom there somewhere even if you can’t see
it.

The sooner you stop saving me from myself, stop rescuing me,
trying to fix my broken-ness, trying to understand me to a fault,
enabling me…..The sooner you allow me to feel the loss and
consequences, the burden of my addiction on my shoulders and not
yours….the sooner I will arrive….and on time….just right where I need
to be…me, alone all by myself in the rubble of the lifestyle I lead…resist
the urge to pull me out because that will only put me back at square
one.

If I am allowed to stay at the bottom and live there for awhile, I am
free to get sick of it on my own, free to begin to want out, free to look
for a way out, and free to plan how I will climb back up to the top.

In the beginning as I start to climb out….I just might slide back down, but
don’t worry I might have to hit bottom a couple more times before I
make it out safe and sound.

Don’t you see?? Don’t you know?? You can’t do this for me…I have to
do it for myself, but if you are always breaking the fall how am I ever
supposed to feel the pain that is part of the driving force to want to
get well.

It is my burden to carry, not yours.

I know you love me and that you mean well and a lot of what you do
is because you don’t know what to do and you act from your heart and
from knowledge of what is best for me….but if you truly love me, let
me go my own way, make my own choices be they bad or good.

Don’t clip my wings before I can learn to fly….nudge me out of your
safety net….trust the process and pray for me…..that one day I will not
only fly, but maybe even soar.

do the dope, don’t let the dope do you

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ckbacks (0)

I’ve quit doing drugs

But their still doing me

Sometimes I wonder

If I’ll ever be free

It’s been almost two years

Since I quit the stuff

And even now

It makes life rough

The damage I done

While on the sh*t

I never noticed

Until after I quit

Now I deal with it

Most every day

Trying to make right

Of the wrong choices I made

The pressures and problems

I’ve put on myself

I would’ve never wished

On anyone else

I wright these words

To help me heal

If you happen to read them

This is how I feel

It may seem like a dream

When you first begin

But it’s really a nightmare

And it may never end

So if you’re thinking about trying

Think about it again

The choice you make

May haunt you till the end

By Greg Roark

Waddell……

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Repeated echoes,

soft whispers,

inner voices..

Delegating and making me,

always make bad choices..

Life is so difficult,

trying to make it through the day,

I have been told by others,

there is a better way.

With no place to turn to,

and no place to run,

having to live life,

with all the bad things

I’ve done.

I lash out at times,

with unexplainable anger,

Why is it we can love,

a total perfect stranger?

Love is a way

for all to exist,

only way to show love

with a balled-up fist..

Totally aware

of the time I’m wasting,

living with predjudice

and spend my time hating…

A word so final

what I mean is death,

where will I be

when I breathe my last breath?

Even then,

night will still become dawn.

Ever so quickly,

Time marches on…

I look to the heavens,

hoping to find inner peace.

Just so alone,

is my God out of reach?

The pain I feel

is eating my mind,

searching for something

and unable to find..

Great emptiness,

great pain,

from head to toe

I ache.

Looking through cracks

for a way to escape.

Today and tomorrow,

I will still feel the same.

Still looking for somewhere

to place all this blame.

On the day of judgment,

in heaven, I’ll find,

that poisonous apple that brought down mankind.

It has been rumored and eternally taught,

with his blood

all of our lives have been bought.

Tomorrow is no promise,

except to those who are just…

Eternal life to be decided

Not by me, or you or any of us…

Waddell Andrew Thomas

choices

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some people sit, some people try.

some people laugh, some people cry.

some people will, some people won’t.

some people do, some people don’t.

some people believe and develop a plan.

some people doubt never think that they can.

some people face hurdles and give it their best.

some people back down when faced with a test.

some people complain of their miserable lot.

some people are thankful for all that they’ve got.

and when it’s all over when it comes to an end

some people lose out and some people win.

we all have a choice, we all have a say.

we are spectators in life or we get in and play.

whichever we choose how we handle life’s game

the choices are ours, no one else is to blame.

Tom Krause

hate me always

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I have to block out thoughts of you, so I don’t lose my head
They crawl in like a cockroach leaving babies in my bed
Dropping little reels of tape to remind me that I’m alone
Playing movies in my head that make a porno feel like home
There’s a burning in my pride, a nervous bleeding in my brain
An ounce of peace is all I want for you, Will you never call again?
And will you never say that you love me just to put it in my face?
And will you never try to reach me, it is I that wanted space

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn’t do for you
Hate me in ways, yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see whats good for you

I’m sober now for 3 whole months, it’s one accomplishment that you helped me with
The one thing that always tore us apart is the one thing I won’t touch again
In a sick way I want to thank you for holding my head up late at night
While I was busy waging wars on myself, you were trying to stop the fight
You never doubted my warped opinoins on things like suicidal hate
You made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to take
So I’ll drive so fucking far away that I’ll never cross your mind
And do whatever it takes in your heart to leave me behind

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn’t do for you
Hate me in ways, yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see whats good for you

And with a sad heart I say bye to you and wave
Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I have made
And like a baby boy I never was a man
‘Til I saw your blue eyes cry and I held your face in my hand
And then I fell down yelling “make it go away”
Just make a smile come back and shine just like it used to be
And then she whispered “How could you did this to me?”

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn’t do for you
Hate me in ways, yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see whats good for you.

for my children and family: if you’re actuallysleeping, if you are dreamin, are you dreaming of me? i cant believe you actually miss me.